I just want to survive... with you by my side

Today, I just decided to go out and take photos. So I did. I walked maybe a mile or so around town, mostly to this one field I thought might be cool to take some pics around, but also taking pics along the way.

I've also decided that I am going to try (key word, try) to fake it like I'm a lot more confident than I really am with people. I've been reading Scott Peck's Further Along the Road Less Traveled, and there's a part where he talks about dealing with suffering and pain and the three step process to doing so. First, ask yourself if the pain is existential (necessary for your betterment, like feeling anxious when you don't pay the bills) or is it neurotic (the opposite... suffering that does not serve to better one's self in any way). If it is indeed neurotic, the next step is to ask yourself, "How would I act if I were not suffering from this neurotic anxiety or guilt?" And the third step is simply, to do that. He goes on to talk about dealing with shyness, something that I have, to at least a certain degree, dealt with for probably my whole life. Is my shyness bettering my existence or hindering it? Obviously it is hindering it. So how would I act if I were not shy? Well, I'd just go up and talk to that person I don't know that seems interesting... or I'd raise my hand and give an answer in a class setting when I think I know the answer... etc.

And that kinda freaks me out. But Peck goes on to to say, yes, this is frightening, but that's where courage comes in to play. So, I'm going to try. I may suck at it. I may fail miserably. I may make a fool of myself sometimes. But I'm going to try. Because I think that it's facing fears that have been the root cause of much worse suffering that I have experienced the last couple months. Once I face these fears, perhaps I will learn that there's really nothing to be afraid of.